Whoa Z and x make the same sound
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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