Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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