Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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