Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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