we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
