Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
