I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
