is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
