He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
