Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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