I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
