Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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