you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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