so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
