One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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