Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
