Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
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Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
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Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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