The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Life is so much better after having sex.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
