How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
