i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
