I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
