Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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