whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
