i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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