is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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