how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
