She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
