I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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