the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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