Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Randomize
