The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he thought i was a dude.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
