yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
