between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize