Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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