Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
