The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
