don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
