Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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