My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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