my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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