i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
