Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize