I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
