wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
