You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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