Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
