I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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