It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize
