I'm gonna have a badass scar
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.