Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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