I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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