listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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