If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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