the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
