Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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