dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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