I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
