Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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