Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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