Your face is a jimmy john
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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