I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
