Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
